The Breaking Bad Guide to Grooming: Mike Ehrmantraut

No matter where you stand in relation to the product supply chain, things are rough in AMC's Breaking Bad. Whether you're a science teacher-turned-drug lord, a low-level Drug Enforcement Agent, or just an innocent line cook at Los Pollos Hermanos, one thing unites all characters caught up in this deadly drug game: the oppressive heat of Albuquerque. Desperate (and scorching) times call for desperate grooming measures. That's why we'll be following along with the action in Season Five and recommending solutions to those who need it most.

Today's Breaking Bad unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

Mike Ehrmantraut

Madrigal” was a tough episode for Gus Fring’s (former) enforcer. We watch his steely expression momentarily wilt upon hearing the news that the offshore account in his granddaughter’s name has been frozen. There goes this former Philadelphia police officer’s life savings, just like that. And despite his best attempts to get out of the meth business altogether, he’s dragged back into it.

Through these challenging times, we’re proud of Mike for keeping his goatee in such excellent shape. The guy never plays on tilt, in the drug game or in the bathroom mirror. That goatee is always closely cropped, and that pencil thin mustache is never neglected.

Honestly, Mike, we don’t have much advice for you this week. Your instincts are almost always right, when it comes to Walter ("You are trouble….A time bomb. Tick-tick-ticking. And I have no intention of being around for the boom.”), and when it comes to your grooming routine. We’re guessing you use some combination of a trimmer, perhaps from Wahl? And then a translucent shave gel, perhaps eshu or ZIRH, to clean up the cheeks. If your total stonewalling of the DEA is any indication, we’re guessing you play your grooming techniques and secrets pretty close to the vest.

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