The Breaking Bad Guide to Grooming: Walter White

No matter where you stand in relation to the product supply chain, things are rough in AMC's Breaking Bad. Whether you're a science teacher-turned-drug lord, a low-level Drug Enforcement Agent, or just an innocent line cook at Los Pollos Hermanos, one thing unites all characters caught up in this deadly drug game: the oppressive heat of Albuquerque. Desperate (and scorching) times call for desperate grooming measures. That's why we'll be following along with the action in Season Five and recommending solutions to those who need it most.

Today's Breaking Bad unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

Walter White

This season opens with what we can only assume is a flash forward, similar to the plane crash harbinger we were given in Season 2. Walter is on the run from someone. But who? And why? We don't know. We do know that he has just turned 52 (or at least he arranges his diner bacon to suggest as much), and, well, he's also got a full head of hair and a mess of a beard. More hair all over: Hollywood's favorite way of letting the audience know time has elapsed. But his new hirsute appearance tells more of a story than just chronology. Things clearly aren't going well. He's on the run in New Hampshire, using a fake ID, and driving a beat up Volvo. Is that an excuse for his mop top and unkempt beard? Only if he's wearing them as a disguise. Which he might be.

Back in the present tense, Walter is on a "power trip and that verges on delusions of godhood." Yes, Walt's swag is spinning out of control. A few examples: Telling Saul "we're done when I say we're done," and delivering that devastating "I forgive you" line to Skyler. Is there any way we can get the advanced grooming practices of his ruthless Heisenburg alter ego without ruthlessness? There's got to be a happy medium between Walter the calculating murderer and drug lord in a porkpie hat (with a neatly trimmed goatee to boot) and future Walter the disheveled mess.

But let's get down to brass tacks: If future Walt is taking his grooming routine on the road—or really, on the lamb—we recommend he clean up with something better than hand soap in gas station and diner bathrooms. This full dopp kit from Anthony Logistics® for Men would be perfect for him. It contains travel-size versions of Anthony’s Glycolic Facial Cleanser, Facial Scrub, Shave Cream, Lip Balm, Coconut Shampoo, and Citrus Body Cleansing Gel. We know times are tough, flash forward Walt. Let your grooming routine be a beacon.

comments powered by Disqus