The Breaking Bad Guide to Grooming: Walter’s Bald Pate

No matter where you stand in relation to the product supply chain, things are rough in AMC's Breaking Bad. Whether you're a science teacher-turned-drug lord, a low-level Drug Enforcement Agent, or just an innocent line cook at Los Pollos Hermanos, one thing unites all characters caught up in this deadly drug game: the oppressive heat of Albuquerque. Desperate (and scorching) times call for desperate grooming measures. That's why we'll be following along with the action in Season Five and recommending solutions to those who need it most.

Today's Breaking Bad unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

Walter’s Bald Pate

We think it’s fair to say that Walter’s shorn head is a sign of power. After all, there was something rather sad about his shaggy hirsute appearance in episode one’s flash forward, right? That man with a full head of hair did not appear to be in control of his own destiny. Walter, love him or hate him, is at his most powerful and his most entertaining when he’s maintaining a bald head. As John Semley aptly puts it at Salon.com, “In the bleak moral universe of ‘Breaking Bad,’ hair—on men, at least—seems patently ridiculous. It’s an indulgence in vanity, an impractical affront to the balmy Southwestern sun. (To wit: Dig the pathetic comb-over of Walt’s ambulance-chasing attorney, Bob Odenkirk’s Saul Goodman.)” This infographic from The Oatmeal basically says it all.

With this idea mind, we jumped for a joy just a little bit in “Fifty-One” (episode four) when we caught a glimpse of Walter performing his head shaving ritual, even if the act is symbolic of him doubling down on the whole evil guy God complex thing.

As for the actual shaving: It’s clear that Walter has a steady hand and solid technique. He’s good at shaving his head (or “bic-ing,” if, you know, you’re into proprietary eponyms. But in this case, Walter cuts himself badly. We don’t want to blame the razor, but since Walter shaves so frequently, he might like to have a better looking razor on his countertop (especially now that he’s home to stay). Made of imitation ivory, this old school apothecary style razor from C.O. BIGELOW is a splurge befitting his new penchant for expensive automobiles. Though given the ruthless path Walter is travelling down, he might actually prefer something that came at the expense of an elephant’s tusks.

bb shave

As for damage control after he cuts himself shaving, we know it’s old school, but given the tough guy attitude, he might like the sting of septic matches.

And of course, keeping a bald head—or even a power donut—in the desert means never forgetting the sunblock. We recommend Eshu for those times when he’s not sporting the Heisenberg hat.

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