The Game of Thrones Guide to Grooming: Pycelle

As riveting as HBO’s "Game of Thrones" is, it isn’t exactly glamorous. From the Haunted Forest to Castle Black, whether you’re a lord in your manor or a wilding beyond the wall, it’s a hardscrabble existence. These brutal times call for the most rugged and the most refined grooming supplies. That's why we’ll be following along with the action and recommending solutions to those who need it most.

Today’s Game of Thrones unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

Pycelle, the King’s Grand Maester

Having served under several monarchs as a grand maester and member of the small council, Pycelle is no stranger to surprise power plays. But he sure was flustered when, after betraying the confidence of Tyrion, the diminutive Lannister ordered Pycelle's beard to be forcibly shorn with a blade. As you might guess, we here at Birchbox Man headquarters were thrilled to see punitive measures dolled out by way of extreme grooming. But, as much as we don’t like Pycelle, the thought of him languishing in a jail cell sporting a pathetic, diagonally-cut stump of what was once a glorious chin beard makes us feel…a little sorry for the guy.

Of course, in “Garden of Bones,” Tyrion agrees to release Pycelle from his confinement in the black cells. Once he’s out, the old man will have to decide what to do with his remaining whiskers. We’re advocating the nuclear option. Just shave it all off and start fresh. Odds are Pycelle doesn’t have access to a mirror or any decent shaving cream in the black cells, but once he is released he should reach for a tube of ZIRH Shave Gel to help him scrape away the remains of his once-great, ZZ Top-worthy beard. As for his hair up top, we leave it to the grand maester to decide whether to keep rocking the “power donut” or shave it all off to “make the most out of nothing.”

As Tyrion notes to Lancel Lannister regarding Pycelle's release: “I could swear that I’d not harm a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true.” Could this mean that MORE extreme surprise shearings are in the works? We can only hope.

Check out the rest of our Game of Thrones Grooming Guides here.

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