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We’ve been planning our dream weddings since we were five years old. So it’s no surprise that we can’t get enough of Lover.ly, a wedding inspiration site that lets you search through pics of swoon-worthy gowns, bouquets, and everything else you need for the big day. Twice a month, the ladies behind Lover.ly will be sharing their best tips for getting through the craziness of the season—whether you’re standing at the altar or enjoying a view of it from the audience.
Wedding season is officially here, and that means many of the brides-to-be in your life are in the home stretch of planning. If you're chatting with a bride in the last few weeks before the big day, here are ten things you should definitely avoid saying.
1. "It'll be fine." Nearly every bride has been told this when she's stressing out about last-minute logistics. We know you're trying to help her relax when you say that, but someone does kind of have to sweat the small stuff to make a wedding work, especially with regard to things like transportation or vendor arrival times. So if she's putting thought into the details or trying to get organized, don't tell her to “chill out.”
2. "I hope you don't have [gluten/a DJ/a specific religious tradition/my ex] at your wedding." It's never a good idea to make statements like this, but a month before the wedding—when all the details are likely pretty final—this kind of comment is even less appreciated. Similarly, stay away from bashing other weddings you've attended; even if the couple isn't planning to do the thing you didn't like, it still makes them feel judged and anxious.
3. "Why are you having the wedding there?" We know that traveling to a wedding is often hard on a guest's budget, but if it's a pain for you to attend, considering declining politely instead of taking to bride’s Facebook wall to write, "Why don't you just have the wedding in ____ so people don't have to travel?" (True story.)
4. "Are you planning to lose weight?" We actually don't think you should ever ask a bride-to-be this question but definitely don't ask it in the weeks leading up to the big day—you're basically sending the message that you don't think she looks good as is.
5. "Can I bring a date?" If you're wondering whether or not you can bring a date to the wedding, check your invitation. If the invite was only addressed to you, and there's no mention of "and guest," then your guest is not invited. Similarly, if both the inner and outer envelope of the invite are addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," your children are most likely not invited.
6. "Where's ______'s invitation?" Brides hear this a lot from older relatives who want to know why a cousin or sibling didn't get an invitation. If the invitation was lost in the mail, rest assured that the couple will contact that guest for the RSVP. And if there was never an invitation to begin with—well, it happens. Unless one received a save the date, he or she shouldn't necessarily expect a wedding invitation.
7. "I need [a dairy-free meal/to bring my kid/a place to stay/an allergy-free venue]." Don't approach the couple four weeks before the wedding with your needs; they are most likely worrying about the big picture. If you need to find out if, there will be fresh flowers at the wedding because you're severely allergic, that's fine. But don't go to them demanding that they cancel the florist at the last minute.
8. "Don't be a bridezilla!" No one gets a free pass on acting like a jerk, but you can call out bad behavior without using the b-word (which gets tossed around far too much). If you think the bride is out of line, address the issue directly: “I think it's unreasonable to expect us to spend $250 on a dress and to be upset that we can't all fly to Vegas for your bachelorette." Communication is key!
10. "It's just a party!" While this is technically true, it's a very special party that people put a ton of time and money into, and one that comes with a lot of expectations. The fact is, people do judge women for their weddings, and trying to merge families, account for differing tastes, and manage a budget to pull off an event that is up to everyone's standards is tough. Here are three things you can say instead:"Wedding planning isn't easy but you're doing a great job!” or "I'm sure you have a lot going on; is there anything I can do to help?"
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