The Breaking Bad Guide to Grooming: Fat Stacks of Cash

No matter where you stand in relation to the product supply chain, things are rough in AMC's Breaking Bad. Whether you're a science teacher-turned-drug lord, a low-level Drug Enforcement Agent, or just an innocent line cook at Los Pollos Hermanos, one thing unites all characters caught up in this deadly drug game: the oppressive heat of Albuquerque. Desperate (and scorching) times call for desperate grooming measures. That's why we'll be following along with the action in Season Five and recommending solutions to those who need it most.

Today's Breaking Bad unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

Jesse, Walt, and Mike

As New York Magazine’s recap points out Walt, Jesse, and Mike are getting a serious lesson in starting their own business. They’re basically a meth start-up. As they are finding out, this underground business comes with a ton of overhead: the termite contractors, security, delivery, and of course, all those cranky folks with the frozen offshore bank accounts. The three partners have to shell out for their silence, even if their deals were made with the now-deceased Gus Fring. Until the three guys own their own distribution network and solve this offshore bank account problem, they’re going to be stuffing a whole lot of duffel bags with greenbacks and delivering them to other people. All that money handling comes with serious bacteria risks. We don’t often think about it, but currency is really dirty. That’s why we’re recommending our meth entrepreneurs wash their hands frequently with Grandma Stelle’s Hand Wash. Made with botanical extracts verbena and thyme, will completely purify their hands. It won’t do much as far as cleaning their consciences of the lies, murder, and drug dealing, but it will make their hands super soft following those filthy cash allocations.

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