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The Game of Thrones Guide to Grooming: The White Walker on Horseback

As riveting as HBO's "Game of Thrones" is, it isn't exactly glamorous. From the Haunted Forest to Castle Black, whether you're a lord in your manor or a wilding beyond the wall, it's a hardscrabble existence. These brutal times call for the most rugged and the most refined grooming supplies. That's why we'll be following along with the action and recommending solutions to those who need it most. (Not a fan of the show? You should be. Catch up here.)

Today's Game of Thrones unsolicited upgrade advice goes to...

The Blue-eyed Zombie White Walker on Horseback

We've got just one word for the ghoulish, wispy-haired White Walker leader on horseback: MOISTURIZER. Yikes, man! Your skin is pure wrinkles and your beard appears to be made of ice. We recommend a little hydration for your skin, especially if you're going to continue your slow, deliberate zombie march across all the barren tundra. Put on a little Kiehl's Ultra Facial Oil-Free Lotion in the morning and before you go to bed at night and your skin will feel noticeably softer, smoother, and healthier. Although, come to think of it, White Walkers don't really sleep, do they? Just put it on every 12 hours.

In other grooming-related Game of Thrones news, we now see that it was a good thing poor scared Sam didn't heed our original advice to put on a little fragrance in order to impress Gilly. Otherwise he might have been a goner!

In this final episode of the season, Lord Varys tells Tyrion Lannister, "The King won't give you any honors. The histories won't mention you. But we will not forget." We here at BB Man couldn't help but cock our heads and think upon these words wistfully. We wonder if they don't, in some small way, apply to our own undertaking to dispense unsolicited grooming advice to the fictional cast of Game of Thrones. Until next season!

Check out the rest of our Game of Thrones Grooming Guides here.

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