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February 10, 2015

Get Out of the Doghouse: How to Apologize to Your Significant Other

"He can sacrifice his dignity on the altar of love: Sign us up for side-by-side pedicures. Take me on a day trip to the zoo. Get us matching pajama pants. Attempt to cook me a way-too-complicated meal. Do something that makes you a little bit embarrassed because you know I'll like itand because making yourself look slightly ridiculous will even the score."

"He picks me up from work and squires me to my favorite restaurant, where we eat by candlelight and get drunk on a bottle of not-entirely-cheap wine. Bonus points if I get a foot rub later."

"The three most beautiful words in the English language: 'You were right.' A good old-fashioned 'I'm sorry' doesn't hurt, either."

"Don't apologize with flowers. You should be getting her flowers on a whim, not because you're trying to get back in her good gracesmost girls will see right through it."

"Never underestimate the power of chocolate. There's a vending machine in my building's laundry room and let's just say my boyfriend has made a few trips there in the past, and not for himself."

"Any fight I've ever had with a man can be cured with a bag of cheetos and a gift certificate to McDonald's."

"Atonement needs to be thoughtful. A gift or surprise is more impressive to me if it has more thought than money behind it. Surprise me with my favorite dinner made at home or a frame with pictures of our favorite moments or trips together; that will make me swoon more than a fancy dinner out or jewelry."

"Don't ever estimate the power of a good bouquet of flowers. Bonus points if they are delivered in public. Negative points and more time in the dog house if they involve carnations."

Illustration: Bry Crasch


Adam Hurly