Take Derek, a regular user of OkCupid who lives in New York. What Im about to say is going to sound very mean, but Derek is a pretty boring white guy. Medium height, thinning brown hair, nicely dressed and personable, but nothing immediately magnetic or charming. He isnt unattractive, but he wouldnt necessarily turn heads if he walked into a bar or party.

At our focus group on online dating in Manhattan, Derek got on OkCupid and let us watch as he went through his options. These were women whom OkCupid had selected as potential matches for him based on his profile and the sites algorithm. The first woman he clicked on was very beautiful, with a witty profile page, a good job, and lots of shared interests, including a love of sports. After looking it over for a minute or so, Derek said: Well, she looks okay. Im just gonna keep looking for a while.

I asked what was wrong, and he replied, She likes the Red Sox.

I was completely shocked. I couldnt believe how quickly he just moved on. Imagine the Derek of twenty years ago, finding out that this beautiful, charming woman wanted to date him. If she was at a bar and smiled at him, Derek of 1993 would have melted. He wouldnt have walked up and said, Oh, wait, you like the Red Sox?! No thank you! and put his hand on her face and turned away. Derek of 2013 just clicked an X on a web browser tab and deleted her without thinking twice, like a J.Crew sweatshirt that didnt live up to his expectations upon seeing a larger picture.

Derek didnt go for the next one either, despite the fact that the woman was comparably attractive. For ten or fifteen minutes Derek flipped his way around the site without even showing a hint of enthusiasm for any of the numerous extremely compelling who were there looking for romance, until he settled on one and typed out a simple message, leaving the others to die in browser history.

Now, let me say that I liked Derek. He was a nice person and I feel horrible about calling him a boring white guy. My point is that he did not strike me as a stud. But wow, when you watched him comb through those profiles, he had a stud mentality. I couldn't help thinking that he and who knows how many other people are doing a lot better with online dating than they would in other forums. Derek and all online daters, men and women, are being presented with more romantic possibilities than ever before, and it is clearly changing their whole approach to finding a potential mate.

 Want more insight from Aziz? Get your own copy of Modern Romance free with any $55+ purchase in the Men's Shop.

When it comes to dating in the digital age, were taking a page from Ansaris book.

For his newly released book *Modern Romance*, comedian Aziz Ansari teamed up with sociologist Eric Klinenberg on a two-year study of love and dating in the digital age. They held focus groups across the U.S., surveyed thousands of redditors, and even consulted expert social scientists. One particularly harsh conclusion? Online dating numbs our natural sense of attraction, leading to increasingly unattainable standards. Read his conclusions in the excerpt below.

Aziz Ansari Reveals an Epic Problem with Online Dating

How to Measure Someones Ring Size (Secretly!)

There are a few ways to measure ring size, but this is our favorite: Borrow one of the rings that your significant other already wears (you can grab it when he or she takes it off before going to bed) and gently press it into a bar of soap. Then, just match the imprint to a ring size chart. Or, even easier, bring the bar of soap right to the jeweler. Just make sure to wash and return the ring when youre done.

Theres a lot to consider here. If you're looking for a diamond, most jewelers will speak in terms of the "four C's" (cut, color, clarity, and carat), but you should also address details like her hair color and personal style. If your bride-to-be is fashion-forward and loves to stand out from the crowd, she might love a colored gemstone. Even if shes a little more on the traditional side, adding a colored gemstone as a secondary stone in a traditional diamond engagement ring is becoming a popular option among many brides.

But which gemstone will look best on her? A good rule of thumb is to go by skin tone. Gemstones like sapphire, garnets, and rubies look beautiful on "cool" skin, which usually features rosy undertones and bluish colored veins. Earthy-hued gemstones in coral, peach, green, and turquoise flatter "warmer" skin, which has greenish colored veins and yellow undertones.

How to Choose the Perfect Gift for Your Bride

One of the most romantic wedding traditions is to surprise your fiance on the wedding day with a small gift. We love the idea of commemorating the big day with jewelry engraved with the date or a love knot ring that symbolizes your commitment. The number one thing to remember is to stick to timeless, sentimental pieces.

For more tips, check out Buzzfeed's roundup of handy diagrams. When you're ready to shop for any occasionnot just weddings and engagementscheck out Heirlume for a personalized jewelry shopping experience.

We ask the jewelry experts at Heirlume for some tips on getting your engagement rightall the way from proposal to ceremony. 

If youre planning to pop the question soon, youve probably realized how much thought goes into the hardware surrounding the occasion; the last thing you want to do is go to the jeweler without a clue of what you need. To ensure that you nail each moment of your engagementfrom proposal to ceremonywe asked the jewelry experts at [Heirlume](http://www.heirlume.co/) for tips on picking a properly sized ring, a gemstone fitting of her personality, and the most memorable wedding day gift.

How To: Pick an Engagement Ring and Gemstone

My days are super inconsistent; one day I could be jumping on a plane to do work in L.A., another I could be filming content or working in restaurants around the city learning from different chefs about another culture of cooking. The mainstays in my schedule are an early morning gym session (resistance, cross-fit, running, swimming) followed by a second breakfast. By 8 a.m., I am sitting on an espresso and have jumped online to answer emailLunchtime can sometimes involve recipe testing or research. The afternoon is filled with filming and liaising with my business partner before hitting the Australian morning social media rush (sometimes on another espresso), then a second session at the gym.

To me, [clean eating and exercise] are factors of how you become healthy, not maintain good health. To be healthy means you are happy. My number-one rule is that no matter what I eat, it has to be delicious. I am a whole-foods advocate in that I eat plenty of color and minimally processed food, but I do love pasta (particularly from scratch). I have a pretty serious sweet tooth, but an even stronger mental state. Chocolate, for example, does wonders in releasing serotonin: the happy hormone.

On the Biggest Diet Mistake Guys Can Make

People focus so much on eating super clean and exercising that they neglect the role that hormones play in reaching this goal. If you are super strict, you can cause serious stressand as a result your cortisol levels increase and in turn inhibit insulin production, which blocks the ability for fat oxidation. This essentially means you cant burn fat under stress.

On Getting Camera-Ready and His Glorious Hair

Are you ready for this? I jump in the shower and put a shirt on! (Hopefully I remember to iron it beforehand.) I am super casual about being in front of the camera. If I start to do things that I wouldn't normally do, it will take away from my being genuine.

It seriously surprises people when I tell them [I style my hair with] salt water and a towel. Because I am in the ocean so much back home [in Australia], it naturally cleanses it and gives it that waxy notion, I guess. All I do is get out of the shower, dry it with the towel, and move it to one side.

This has made me realize I am only everyones best friend because I feed them. Back home its [all my friends]. Here, I have taken gluten-free muffins to my publisher, Simon & Schuster, so the team can let me know their thoughts. The one who wins the most [free food] is the doorman of my apartment.

On How to Start Cooking If Youre a Rookie

The first thing everyone should master is a great spaghetti bolognese. There are no rules, so you can put a bit of yourself into it. It goes a long way, everyone loves it, and its an awesome way to learn some wicked cooking techniques but I swear mine is the best.

On Cooking for a Date (and What to Drink)

For starters, the Chicken and Herb Balls from DudeFood are epic to share and paired best with a Pinot Grigio. The Fish in the Bag is a super easy [entre]and it is so entertaining when [your date] tears open the paper at the table. Serve it with a Riesling. For dessert, you cannot miss with my recipe for Getting out of the Doghouse [dark chocolate ganache with a shortbread base, paired with raspberries]. Finish with a lovely pinot noir.

 Get more of Dans wicked recipes and life tips by snagging your own copy of DudeFood.

The chef discusses good eats, fitness, and how he gets his signature messy mop.

As a fitness guru, TV personality, world-renowned chef, and author of the recently released cookbook [*DudeFood*](http://books.simonandschuster.com/DudeFood/Dan-Churchill/9781476796895), Dan Churchill has a pretty packed scheduleyet remains one of the most laidback guys we know. We sat down with the star of *MasterChef Australia* to get a glimpse into how he does it all (and looks so darn good doing it).

How to Eat (and Feel) Healthy: An Interview with &#8220;DudeFood&#8221; Author Dan Churchill

Before we begin, it's worth pointing out: Jake Gyllenhaal is not your average bachelor. He begins most dates with a serious A-list handicap, which means he can get away with some pretty outlandish thingstwo-hour delays, scraggly hair, impromptu speedboat rides to Havana...you get the picture.

With that said, wealth, style, and a famous name only earn you so much leeway. In a recent appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, he revealed a first-date strategy that would have anyone raising an eyebrow:

I always bring my dates to my mothers house for the first date. I think thats a good move."

Guys, for the love of all that is just and holy, never, ever do this. It's hard to explain his reasoning for such an aggressive move: Is he crazy? Can he get away with it? Is "mother's house" a code word for his Christian-Grey pleasure dungeon? Our most reasonable explanation came from a fellow Birchbox editor, who reflected:

"I witnessed him on a date downtown once, and if people mobbed and awkwardly photographed me the way they did him, I would also take dates home to my mom, where at least the awkwardness would be contained and predictable."

We endorse his choice in beards, hairstyles, and menswear. His choice in first date itineraries is a different story entirely.

Whatever You Do, Don't Follow Jake Gyllenhaal's Dating Advice

1. First, appreciate what you've gained: The average American spends $133 on Valentine's Day. If you decide to celebrate your newfound wealth, here are some things you can splurge on with PLENTY of change to spare: new wingtip boots, a custom tailored shirt, a 3D-printing pen, or a homemade gin kit.

2. Many networks are running TV marathons, so pick your favorite and hold on for dear life. AMC, FXX, and USA Network are all solid options, but we'll be watching the Sundance Channel (we're suckers for You've Got Mail).

3. Take advantage of a special deal on flowers (many online retailers offer them), and send your mom a bouquet. Then sit back and count the brownie points.

4. Feel like spreading the love? Most homeless shelters and soup kitchens need extra help on holidays, so spend the day volunteering to earn your night of leisure. This directory makes it easy to find a shelter near you.

5. If you want to get off the couch for an hour, there are opportunities to be seized. Many spots that are normally crowded (bowling alleys, climbing gyms, the local pool) will be empty all evening. Go forth and enjoy (the fresh air will do you good).

6. Should all else fail, kick back and buy yourself a nice bottle of scotch. 15% of women send themselves flowers today, so its really the least you can do.

The holiday still has plenty to offerif you know where to look. Here are some unexpected tips for an epic night at home.

The holiday still has plenty to offerif you know where to look. Here are some unexpected tips for an epic night in, whether you're flying solo or home with your better half.

6 Last-Minute Valentine's Day Tips If You're: Staying In

1. Nostalgia is a powerful force, so make sure it's on your side. If you remember the tie or cologne that you wore on your very first date, this is the night for a comeback.

2. The mixtape isn't dead: In fact, it's more sentimental than ever. Make your date a personalized Spotify mix as a bonus throwback gift (emphasis on "bonus").

3. A trip down memory lane is nice, but this is no night to be predictable. A fresh haircut from a master barberlike a slick high and tightis a surefire way to earn a double-take.

4. To make a lasting impression, prioritize words over gifts. Ditch the store-bought V-Day card (really, go throw it out) and write your partner a heartfelt note on letter paper or stationery. They'll keep it much longer than roses, believe us.

5. Valentine's Day doesn't have to end at midnight. Buy everything you need to make breakfast in bed, and cap the experience with a morning-after meal.

6. Planning to propose? So are 6 million other people. If youre striving for surprise, do it on the 15th instead.

70 million guys have a date planned tonight. These last-minute hacks and style tips will keep you ahead of the pack.

70 million guys have a date planned tonightand you happen to be one of them. But fear not: These last-minute hacks and style tips will keep you ahead of the pack.